Vent # 2

I am really crabby tonight, so, here is my second vent.

Tonight, Brett and I were at dinner and were discussing having a baby. I told him that I am now in what's called the "two week wait" (the approximate 14 days after ovulation). He asked me if I'm excited this month.

I told him I am, because we had PERFECT timing. (I realize this month still may not be "the" month, but, it's always nice to know that you've done everything humanly possible to make it work.) His reply was, "Great", in a sarcastic tone. I questioned his tone and he said, "I wish you wouldn't get so excited. If it doesn't happen, I hate to see you so sad. You go from being so happy to so sad and I hate it." He said it like I'm being stupid for hoping that each month is "the" month.

I then asked him if he ever gets excited or sad, depending on what's happening. He said, "I won't get excited until there's something to get excited about." Now, I realize, in theory, this is good. But, it kills me that he's not really excited about TTC and I think I hate it even more when a new cycle starts and it's no big deal to him. I sometimes wonder if he really cares if we EVER get pregnant or not. He seems like he can take it or leave it. And of course, that gets the ball rolling..."Well, if he doesn't really care, should we even be trying?"

I guess I just feel all alone in this journey. All of my close girlfriends are pregnant or have already had their babies. (Well, all of the ones that want children right now.) By the time I'm pregnant, I'm going to have no one to share this with. No sister, no pregnant friends, my husband doesn't really care....it just makes me very sad.