A VERY Good Thing!

Three Backstories:

1. I have countless first cousins. When each of us were announced to be arriving, my Grandmother on my Dad's side hand made each one of us a baby blanket/quilt. They varied in look, size, theme...but, as far as I know, all of us have our own blanket.

2. My sister and I have not spoken to my mother for several years. I am fine with this situation and it has left me in a much happier place. Back when my parent's were divorcing and cleaning out our house, I pulled out my baby blanket and set it aside to take with me. My mother saw it, asked if I wanted it and I said "Yes". A few hours later, the blanket was gone. She took it with her when she left the house. I asked her about it and she told me the blanket was given to HER when she was pregnant, it was not given to me. And IF she decides to give it to me when I have children, she will do so. I was FURIOUS, but, that's how she is. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and I haven't really spoken to her since that day.

3. My sister has recently started talking to her again. I'm pretty sure they're back to their normal relationship.

Okay, now, onto my really happy story. As stated in a previous blog, my dad dropped Bailey off at my house on Monday. So, when I walked in to the house when we got home from Iowa, I found a box sitting in my living room. It has my sister's handwriting on it, saying, "I've had this from mom for a few months and thought you should have it."

My baby blanket!!!! She got the blanket from my mother and gave it to my dad to give to me. I am SO excited. I haven't been this happy in months. I finally have a part of my Grandmother again. Something that I've always identified with my childhood, something that I wanted to pass on to my future child so badly.

Yay for something good happening!!!

Busy, Busy

What a crazy busy day I had.

Did some "retail therapy"....bought two new pairs of jeans, a hoodie and some random things for the house. Then I had to grocery shop. I know most people hate going to the grocery store, but, I don't mind it.

When I got home, Brett had decided that he felt good enough to FINALLY start organizing all of our wedding gifts that haven't been opened other than to identify them. So, we spent the remainer of the day reorganizing the pantry, then started emptying boxes. We're not done yet, but, we actually have our living room back!

Yay!

We're Home!!!

Woo hoo!!!! Glad to be home.

Had many discussions of moving on our 7 hour drive home. More about that later.

I'm so glad to be home!!!

I Really, REALLY Would Like...

...to post about some good things. I guess it's just not in the cards yet.

My cousin Tracy has been watching our dog Bailey since we've been in Iowa. She and her husband Bob have 3 little girls, and 2 dogs of their own. Tracy called me tonight to let me know that Bailey had "went after" their dog Angelica twice today...resulting in some nasty cuts on Ang's face...and in the midst of breaking things up, Tracy was bit as well. She was actually quite calm about the situation, telling me that everything's okay, they're not angry, they just think Bailey misses "Mommy and Daddy" too much. I, of course, am devastated. Bailey has never had an aggressive bone in her body and no one quite knows where this came from. She's been there almost a week already and there were no problems until today.

Immediately, I told Tracy I'd send my Dad to get Bailey. I can't possibly risk Bailey doing this again and really, really hurting Ang, or God forbid, getting one of the girls entangled accidentally. I'm so horribly upset. I thank goodness there were no SERIOUS injuries and I thank goodness Tracy and Bob aren't more upset.

So, I call my Dad, he is going to get Bailey tomorrow. I say to him, "Seriously, it has to end here." He says, "Um, no, it's not over yet."...

My Dad lives in my sister's basement and the weather in IL had been strangely warm. All of the snow melted today...and it was pouring rain. My sister's basement flooded - not just flooded...flooded with sewer water. All of my dad's posessions have been ruined. He has no bed, barely any clothes....on top of that...my sister has a 5 day old baby. No one has time or money for this right now...right after Christmas no less. As it stands now, I think my dad is going to stay at our house on our couch for the time being.

It never ends for us, does it? It really doesn't.

Will It Ever End?????

Not that this is a major thing or anything, but, jeez...

Today I took Bailey to my cousin Tracy's house. Tracy is going to watch her while we're in Iowa, spending the holidays with Brett's family. I spent a good part of the afternoon with her family and then headed home.

On my way home, there is an accident ahead of me, so I merge into the left lane...all is fine. We're stopped for the light or whatever and all of a sudden...WHAM!!! Someone rear ends me. I was wearing my seat belt, so, I'm perfectly fine. However, my poor little car has some good damage. The rear bumper, from the left side of the license plate...all the way around to the tire...is completely gone. It looks so horrible.

Luckily, the guy that hit me was a good citizen, he stopped, made sure I was okay, provided all of his insurance information and said he'd take care of it all. He was driving a minivan, so, I don't think he had ANY damage to his car...and he's fine as well.

I'm glad there were no injuries and I'm happy my car will be fixed. But, seriously. Can it just STOP now?

Last Post For Tonight

I basically started this blog for two reasons...

1. To jump on the blog bandwagon
2. To be able to vent my feelings, whether people read them or not.

And my feelings lately have been overwhelming. Since the day after the wedding, things have seemed to go completely off the deep end for us. From Brett getting sick 31 hours after the wedding (and continuing for the past 10 weeks or so), to my getting sick, to getting laid off, to having to stop trying to conceive since we're not sure of our work status in the near future...nothing has been going well for us. Not a single thing.

On some days, it's nearing too much to handle. Normally, I don't know if I'm coming or going. I try to stay positive, but sometimes, everything is just too much. Too often the "why?" question is running through my head. "Why is this happening?" I only vent to one person and she's been wonderful to help me through some really dark hours. But of course, there is no answer to my question. I don't know why Brett got sick. I don't know why we both had to lose our jobs. I don't know why things just haven't been going correctly. And often it's just too much to handle. I think I fell apart so much on my last day at work simply because it was the last straw. I wasn't crying as much for leaving work, but for the last 3 months in general.

It has to end soon...doesn't it?

The Aftermath...

After all of that happened, 5 days later, I ended up in the hospital with a kidney stone. It was the size of a pencil eraser, so there was no way I was going to pass it. I ended up having surgery to remove it and all is well now.

We continue our medical journey with Brett. He has not returned to work since before we left for Jamaica. He's been on short term disability since October 15th. Craziness. He's still in a lot of pain and can't really function normally.

We've started the process of being referred to see the Chief of Rheumatology at the University of Chicago Hospital. We're hoping he can give us some insight into what's happening. In the meantime, we saw Brett's current rheumatologist on Friday. She has finally decided that Brett's problem isn't reactionary arthritis and is more of a chronic condition. Finally. So, she's going to try to start him on the arthritis medicine, Humira. It's a very intensive drug, he'll have to give himself injections twice a month for the next year. He's terribly unhappy about it, but, the alternative isn't any better. Living like he is now isn't an option. We'll see what happens.

And finally, on December 5th, it was announced that the office Brett and I work in is closing for good. I had my last day this past Thursday. I sobbed like a baby all day long. During the wedding planning and through Brett's illness, my co-workers have been an immense sense of strength for the both of us. They visited us in the hospital, brought us food while we were both unable to function, some attended and even stood up in our wedding. I'd been there for 6 years, Brett for 5. I was absolutely devastated. We got a very good severance package, better than most places I've ever heard of. So, I guess that kind of helps....

Originally Posted October 22, 2008

And Now The Bad Part of October...

On Sunday, we had our normal pool and food day and at night, we went to the evening entertainment. Kind of bored and tired, I went up to bed, leaving Brett downstairs with some family and friends. he came in around midnight, and around 1:30, he was telling me he was sick. I knew he hadn't drank that much, so I figured maybe he ate something funny. I went back to bed, figuring he'd be fine in a few hours. He had to be, we were going to do his wedding present in the morning....swimming with two dolphins.

We did the dolphin thing the next morning. And huge victory for me, considering my fear of fish. The park had things like snorkeling with sting rays and swimming with sharks, which normally, Brett would love. But, he still wasn't feeling well. So, we swan with Misty and Pepe and then picked two beach chairs by the oceanside and slept. It was actually quite relaxing.

We go to dinner that night, Brett's still sick. Monday comes, Brett is still sick. Tuesday comes, Brett is still sick. I talk to him about going to the infirmary...but, who wants to go to the doctor in a foreign country? He came to the pool and sat in the shade for about an hour, but, after that, he spent the rest of the day in our room. Poor guy. Wednesday comes, he's still sick....not even a little bit better. Had we not been heading to the airport at 1 PM, Brett probably would have given in to go to the doctor in Jamaica. We get on the plane after Brett takes some stomach medicine and things seem okay. Until about an hour left in the flight. Brett started shaking and had cold sweats. I said, "You've been sick for 3 full days now, I know you need fluids....how 'bout we go directly to the ER when we get home?" Without hesitation, he agreed. And that's not good.

So, Ed picks us up from the airport, we come to our house, get my car and speed off to the ER. We go to the hopsital closest to our house. We'd never been there, had no idea what it'd be like, but, I knew he just needed fluids quickly. They pumped him full of IV fluids, took some blood and sent us home. Said he had "Traveler's Sickness" and it'd go away in a few days. They'd call if any of his blood showed anything strange. Okay, hopefully the fluids did the trick and everything is fine. Come Friday, he's still sick. Saturday, Brett wakes me at 6 AM saying we need to go back to the ER 'cause something's not right.

We head back to the same hospital. Brett had called on Saturday, they said nothing came back in his blood. Again, they pump him full of fluids. take some blood and this time give him some antibiotics that might kill a broad range of bacterias he could have "from travelling". At this point, I knew this was something more than traveller's sickness. But, who am I to argue with two different ER doctors saying the same thing? So we go back home, hoping the antibiotics would do the trick.

Come Monday night. Brett still had two more days off from work, thank goodness. We're sitting watching TV and he's in severe pain. Still sick. No fever. The last straw was watching him refuse my help to get off the couch, but, taking 17 minutes to get up from a lying position. 17 minutes. He told me he couldn't move his left arm and he could feel the pain and loss of feeling moving into his back and across his chest into his right side.

We immediately left for the ER, at 11 PM. This time, we drove a little longer to go to a hospital I trust and like very much. After a THREE HOUR wait in the waiting room, we were finally brought into a room. They did an EKG, x-rays, took blood and gave him fluids. They gave him pain medication as well. They had no idea what was wrong though. Several hours later, the doctor came in and said they had found an asymptomatic urinary tract infection that had moved into a severe kidney infection. There's no telling how long he had these....my guess is, probably even before we left for Jamaica. But, neither of these things explained the severe pain and lack of feeling in his upper body. By 8 AM, they gave Brett the option of leaving of being checked into the hospital for further investigation.

Brett didn't feel comfortable leaving, so he chose to be admitted. Probably the best decision we've ever made as a couple. Brett was in the hospital from Tuesday morning until Saturday. In that time, he saw his primary doctor, who brought in a rheumatologist, an infectious disease specialist, a urologist and a neurologist. No one could quite figure out the problem. He wasn't able to move his left side...and then it moved to his right side, and then his ankle swelled to about 3 times it's normal size... it moved to his knees, and back and hips....he couldn't move without either pain, weakness or loss of feeling.

And then everything finally fell into place. They THINK the chain is as follows....he had the UTI which turned into the kidney infection. The kidney infection made him sick as a dog. In the meantime, they THINK he got bit by something in Jamaica. However, whatever poison the bug injected left his body as soon as it enetered, because he was so sick from the kidney infection. However, his body still recognized that there was foreign fluids in his body, so, it started to attack something that was no longer there. Essentially, his body began to attack itself. In turn, this attack gave him reactionary rheumatoid arthritis.

Brett is finally home. We still have a long road ahead of us though. He's home on crutches, because his ankle is still too painful and swollen to walk with. He is taking steroids and pain killers and anti inflammatories and stomach medicine and one other drug that I can never remember. We saw the doctor for follow up yesterday....he says Brett won't be back at work for at least another 3 -4 weeks. The doctor says none of the doctors treating him had ever seen his diagnosis in person. They'd all studied this in school, but, none of the five have ever had to treat it, until now. Nice, hunh?

Brett is still in a lot of pain and can't make it through the day without his medication. Nights are really bad because the pain medicine wears off in 2-3 hours and it wakes him....and he can't get out of bed because he's been lying still for so long. So, I have to get him more pain medicine and it takes a while for him to fall asleep again. He started sleeping in the recliner last night and that seems to be a bit easier for him...in some ways. He's pretty much still incapacitated and I don't like leaving him for more than a few hours at a time. I don't like him even walking with his crutches when I'm not home because we never know if his arms are going to give out again. Luckily, our office is 5 minutes from home so I can be there in 10 minutes if I need to be. And I go home for lunch anyway, so, he's never alone for more than 4 hours.

So, I'm basically a nurse right now. I run errands, give baths/showers, make food, make snacks, prepare medicine, who knows what else. Anything and everything. I wouldn't have it any other way though. If I'm doing it, I know it's being done correctly.

So...the prognosis. Brett is and will be totally fine. His recovery will be long, but it will be complete. The arthritis should go away in time and his pain should be less and less every day. Still waiting for the pain to be less, but, he's at least a little more comfortable every day...and that will lead to less pain. We've already covered the "through sickness and health" of our vows....and it began just 31 hours after we said them.

I'd like to thank everyone that has been integral in helping us both (especially me) in the past week and a half since we've been home. Our friends and family have been amazing. Visits to the hospital, flowers, phone calls, text messages, e-mails....I tried to keep things under wraps....who wants to hear all of the bad news? But, once one person heard, things travelled like wildfire. There are many of you that kept me sane. I tried to be strong and positive to everyone, but I was terrified for several days. And without some of my family and friends, I'd have completely fallen apart. So thank you to anyone that even asked how Brett was doing. Thank you to those that did even more. Neither one of us can thank you enough.

Who knew?

On to our regularly scheduled lives now....

Originally Written October 22, 2008

My Whirlwind October - Let’s Start With The Good....

At my lovely Anna's request I am doing a blog to update everyone of what has been happening lately. I know a lot of you know all of it, a lot of you know some of it, and probably a lot of you know none of it. This will be long, so...enjoy....

We'll start with the wedding, as that's how this whole thing started....

October started at 12:30 AM as we got up and got ready to leave for Jamaica four our wedding, with 27 guests joining us. Our flight was to leave at 5:45 AM and I knew I had lots to do before getting on the plane. I insisted Brett tell the people to pick us up at 2:45 AM, this way, if they were late, we'd still have time to drive ourselves to the airport before the two hour window the airlines recommend. They were there at 2:36. We got in the car, and headed to the airport. Got there at 3:15. Only to find out the airline check in doesn't even open until 4:30 AM. Brett was none to happy with me. But, how could I know that? Who knew the airport wasn't open all night? Anyway....that was the beginning of this whirlwind.

We arrived in Jamaica and literally, as soon as the airplane captaion turned off the seatbelt sign, the heavens opened and it rained like nobody's business. Then it stopped, and started, and stopped. The whole 90 minute bus ride from the airport to the resort, it rained. However, once we got to the resort, we had beautiful blue skies. But, oh my. The heat and humidity. I don't think I've ever been so miserable. And we couldn't swim, because we had to meet the 10 people that were arriving that day. By the time the night was over, I was in tears because if this rain, heat and humidity was going to stick around all week, I knew I was going to pass out in my wedding dress.

Anyway, the next day came and more guests arrived. The rain came again, but, it was nothing like the day before. The rest of our days in Jamaica had a bit of rain, but, nothing tragic. It was more of the rain I was prepared for. Thank goodness. We spent the majority of our days until Saturday gretting guests, eating fabulous food, swimming in the pool and having a fantastic time.
Saturday was our fabulous wedding day. I woke that morning and had breakfast with my dad and my wonderful bridesmaid, Jannee. (For the life of me, I have no idea where Brett was or why we didn't eat together. I just plain can't remember.) Then Jannee and I went to the spa to get our hair done. After that, we were set to get ready in my room. I was completely calm the entire time. Not a single nerve. I did my makeup, we drank some champagne, took some pictures with the fabulous Leah and then I put my dress on. Still, no nerves. My Dad was in the room after a while and when I walked out in my dress, I took one look at him and saw his face start to cumple. "NO tears Dad! If you cry, I'll cry...and I don't have time to cry!"

After a few more pictures, we were on our way down to the gazebo. A golf cart took me, my dad, Jannee and the wedding planner form the hotel lobby to the gazebo. All the while, people were waving, clapping and cheering for us. As we rounded the corner to see the gazebo, still not a single nerve. Looking back, I barely remember anything. I remember that paparazzi of random people taking pictures of our wedding. I remember standing at the top of the stairs, waiting to start walking down the cobblestone aisle. But, the thing I remember most is probably the most classic moment of the wedding.

After my Dad and I took 15 or so steps down the aisle, I felt the bottom of my dress wrap around the heel of my shoe. I tried to ignore it, thinking things would be fine. Yeah, not so much. My dress kept getting more and more tangled and we had to stop so my dad could unwind my dress from the heel of my shoe. Talk about a fabulous, graceful entrance. We have tons of pictures of me laughing as I have my leg up in the air, letting my dad unwrap my dress from my stupid shoe. I knew I should have worn flip flops.

Anyway, after that, the rest of the day went perfectly. No rain...in fact, people tell me there were horrible looking storm clouds just before the wedding began. But, by the time I got to the gazebo, we had blue skies and puffy white clouds. "A Simpsons Day" . I ALMOST cried while saying my vows. My voice got a bit shaky and I had to stop and take some deep breaths, but, I didn't shed a tear. We had a steel drum band playing, we ate cake and drank champagne on the beach, took a lot of pictures and then went to the terrace for drinks. After the terrace, we had dinner at The Grill, which everyone loved. We went back to the terrace for more drinks and then headed to the Pueblo for the resort's evening entertainment.

That night they were hosting, "Miss Gran Bahia Principe". When they asked for female volunteers, I was kind of coerced into entering because, how can the bride lose? Seriously? How could I? Yeah, put me up against a hot woman from Portugal and I had no chance to win. After dancing around with a stupid feather boa, wrapping Brett in toilet paper, and impersonating a man when he wakes up in the morning, I came in 1st runner up. The one category I'm proud to have won, was the part where we all had to run around the Pueblo, kissing as many men on the cheek as we could in 20 seconds. I think Silivia (or was it my new step mother in law?) had just taken the lead with 32 kisses. I knew, with my dress on, I had my work cut out for me. On "Go!" I started to make my way into the crowd. And then I see my brother in law, Corey, running towards me, with just a LINE of guys behind him. He started a call for everyone to run to me so all I had to do was stand there as men filed in front of me. More and more guys jumped in line and I kissed 37 men, half of whom were probably my family and friends. But hey, win any way you can right????

After that, we went to the disco for dancing. Brett and I danced our first dance to "This I Swear" by Nick Lachey. The song holds special meaning for us, so, it was the perfect moment for us. After that, I danced with my Dad and Brett danced with his Mom to "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" by Stevie Wonder. My Dad's choice. We danced a little more....having a blast. And then, it was getting really hot. Really hot. My dress was ruined anyway, so, Brett and I decided to jump in the pool. We made our way into the ocean first, but coudln't see, so went back to our original pool idea. With most of our guests trailing behind, Brett counted "1, 2, 3..." and in the pool we jumped...suit, wedding dress, veil and all....we finally did, take the plunge....

The not so good stuff to follow...I told you this was all going to be long....

May As Well Jump On The Bandwagon...

With so many of my friends in the blogging world, I figured I may as well try it too. Especially with all of the goings on lately. Bear with me while I figure it all out please....