Lots of Updates

Monday night, I had nothing to blog about. I sat with my laptop on my lap thinking, "I have nothing of interest happening right now". That's definitely changed today. Some of it big, some of it small.

I had a session with my trainer today. She complimented how strong my upper body is. All that goes through my mind is, "Strong like bull" in a Russian accent. As I'm doing my weight lifing, I look in the mirror and I totally see my mother. Although I'm little, I have quite a large body frame. This is fine, I get it. I definitely have my mother's body. Small, stocky,potentially full of muscle if I keep working at it. My trainer is continually impressed with what I can do with my upper body. Pull ups, planks, etc...Now, if I can just get my abs to be as impressive, that'd be great.

Yesterday I started spotting. Again. Looks like we'll be starting Cycle 7/8 in the next day or two. I have to continually remind myself that it's only half of the time that it can take a "normal" woman to conceive. The disappointment every month is staggering. I started thinking about it and looking at past cycle charts. Then I noticed, I think I'll actually be starting cycle 8 this month. Back in November 2008, we were trying and we had yet another month of perfect timing. I completely forgot that right after the wedding, we were trying. The chances of it happening were slim with everything we'd gone through. But, it WAS perfect timing. So, I'm trying to decide if I should tack that on to the count or not.

In relation to that, Brett and I have been having a lot of conversations about what the future holds. I'll save that for another time, but, after starting to spot last night, I figured I'd better start some research on what our next steps will be if we're not pregnant in that "magical" year time frame. I called the two main OB/GYN offices to see what they typically recommend as a time frame for TTC before intervention is used. One office had no idea. How that question has never come up before, I don't know. But, whatever. The other office said typically a year. Which is fine. They did suggest I make an appointment ASAP because it takes a few months to get an appointment for any reason (as a new patient). So, I have that appointment set. I may change it because it's next month and I'm thinking that'll be too soon. But, I made the appointment anyway, just...because I guess. I have such little control over that process that even making an appointment seemed like I was at least doing something.

I also called my medical insurance company to see what kind of infertility coverage I have, if we do end up needing it. I'm hoping we won't, but again, I just wanted to gain some knowledge to try and feel in control of something. With what I know from my internet board involvement, I knew what my insurance would cover, but I wanted to get the information first hand. My insurance has HORRIBLE infertility coverage. They cover the diagnosis of infertility, but no treatments. No IVF, no IUI, no medicines, NOTHING. Again, these findings are a topic for another day. But, suffice it to say, the past 24 hours have been a wave of emotion.

And lastly, we went out to dinner tonight and came home to a box by the front door. I open it and it's the contents of Crapfest 2010. Every year, after Christmas, my friends and I would get together for a white elephant gift exchange. Obviously, this year, I wasn't able to attend. Well, this box had almost EVERY gift received in it. It also had a can of Tecate (the resident CrapFest drink of choice) and a basket of tortilla chips from our regular restaurant. That box was SO what I needed today. I love my friends. Without even knowing it, they brought me to a place of feeling okay again. Between them and my Destination Wedding girls (Hi SGSS!!), I have the best friends in the world.

More later...