Alone

It's a very rare day that I'm home all by myself. And it's probably better that way.

First I ran some errands and I've been home alone ever since. I talked to my sister and she said she asked my mom some questions about myotonic dystrophy to gather information for me. My mother, of course, asked why she was asking. My sister told her I was going for a routine doctor's appt. and was going to just give the doctor the info. My mother's response? "She's not pregnant, is she?"

That scared me. And it got my head racing.

"Should we even be doing this? We have so many walls built against us. Is God (or whomever is up there) trying to tell us we're just not supposed to be parents to our own biological child?"

As I'm thinking all of these thoughts, I was listening to music on the computer. I came across a play list I'd made of "songs for baby". Sobs and sobs and sobs.

Even though I'm happy about the direction we're taking....I'm so afraid it's not the "right path". Or that it won't work.

THIS is why I don't stay home by myself very often.