Decisions, Decisions

Brett and I had a good talk about what to do tonight.

I don't know if it's the right decision, but, we've decided to keep trying, for now. On Monday we saw both the RE and a genetic counselor. In neither of those discussions, did either person tell us to STOP trying until we find out if I have MD or not. In fact, the genetic counselor even told us we could "get pregnant tonight" and never once said anything about not trying.

So, until we know otherwise, we're going to continue on as usual.

I told Brett that ultimately, he may have to make the decision to stop trying. I just can't make that choice. After so many years of wanting to be pregnant and have a child, how do I just STOP wanting my own biological child? I know, I know that if it comes down to it, we'll have to face selective IVF or adoption. (Neither is a bad choice, I'm not saying it is. It's just not what I've been picturing for the past decade.) And of course, we'll make the right decision for our child's future. Or, what we hope is the best decision.

Why does this have to happen to us? I don't understand it? Why do I have to keep asking why it can't just be easy for us? I don't understand what we've done to have things be so hard...ALL. THE. TIME.?