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I have a 32 week post to do, but, the picture didn't happen last night.
I finally hit the wall of pregnancy hormones.
Brett and I were at Chili's last night and we were talking pretty much all things baby. First it started with more talk about me staying home vs. me going back to work after Mady arrives. I have been honest from the very beginning in saying the ONLY reason I moved here is because I was told that if I did, I'd be able to stay home after having a baby. And then BRETT is the one who actively made the decision to start trying for a baby. And this entire time he's been telling me he's going to make things happen FOR me to stay home. And now, that appears to not be happening. His response now is "we'll try it and if it doesn't work, we'll have to make a change." So....I'm supposed to stay home for x amount of time, then basically not have any money to do anything, THEN go back to work. And start all over from scratch with insurance and vacation time and God knows what kind of job I'll find, with what hours, etc....
I can't even say how upset I am. But, I kept my mouth shut because we were in a restaurant and I didn't want to make a scene.
Then we started talking about this baby shower that's supposed to be happening here in IA. I basically want to not have it. From what I can tell, there may be 6 people there. And with 8 weeks before Mady arrives and not a single plan made and the hostess just getting into a car accident and in a lot of pain....I just think it'd be easier for all to not have the shower. And not in a "woe is me" way....I just think it'd be less stress for the hostess to focus on her recovery.
So then that made me cry in Chili's MORE because I just feel lonely. I'm 32 weeks pregnant, it's a week before Christmas, I miss MY family, and nothing is going as planned. So then I'm weeping in Chili's. And Brett isn't really getting it and it was just a mess.
So we leave, I drop him off at the bar, where his car is, he goes in, I go home and cry myself to sleep.
Sigh.
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First off (((hugs))). I am so sorry you are feeling so alone, excpecially right before the holidays. I wish I could come be with you. Do you have any weekend off before Mady comes, Alexa and I would still like to come down even if you aren't having a shower.
ReplyDeleteI understand how frustrating it would be to have to go back to work after staying home, but maybe you should just run with it at this point and start finding ways to save money - stop the cable, stop eating out, start couponing (hip2save.com is a great coupon website, buy generic products.... but Brett would also need to pitch in as well - stop going out, etc. For the next 2 months can you put your checks right into savings to see if you can live off of just his pay?
I really hope everything works out for you and I am always here if you need someone to vent to, even if I am busy, I am never to busy to be a friend to you.
Love you (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry. :( It's never great to fight the husband and I can only imagine how terrible it must be while you're PG. I hope you two can figure out a plan, a compromise for now? and hopefully in the near future you'll be able to be a stay at home mommy. That's really got to be a big disappointment and aggravation though that Brett tells you one thing and then goes back on his word.
ReplyDelete((Hugs))