Balloon

**WARNING! TMI TTC/Body Post!! (Seriously.)**

Well, my temp DID stay up like I asked it to. In fact, it went up to it's highest point again. Honestly, I was on Cloud 9 all day. I thought this could possibly be THE month. I took a test and it was negative, but, at and early 12 DPO, I figured this could be possible.

And then tonight I get home and see dark discharge. Not red or even a dark brown, but, it's the discharge I get before EVERY period. Granted, I'm not out yet, I know this. But, this is exactly what happens, every month, 24 - 48 hours before AF arrives.

I feel like a balloon that has a small hole in it. I was completely full of happiness this morning...and since about 5 PM, I've slowly started losing my air. I'm so very sad. I know 3 months isn't a long time. Logically, I know that. I know I'm not the only one to ever go through this. But, this TTC business is just so hard. It's trying on us physically, and so hard on me mentally. I know I should just let loose and go with the flow. But, I can't. And I know it'll happen when it's supposed to happen and all of those other cliches that everyone likes to say. But, it doesn't feel that way.

We've done everything right. We were very careful before marriage. We never had a pregnancy scare. We got married and were excited to start trying. After everything went to hell after the wedding, we were adults and chose to wait to TTC until things were back on track for us. We did things the right way. What else do we need to do for this to happen for us? I just don't understand it.

Ugh.