Resolve And NIAW

In "celebration" of National Infertility Awareness Week, I plan to post one infertility awareness story each night. While lurking on an Infertility Board, I found Resolve: The National Infertility Association. It's a fantastic resource for those wanting to learn more about infertility. AND, while reading one of my favorite blogs, Heir to Blair, I came across yet ANOTHER blog that had posted an article from the Resolve site.

Brett and I haven't "come out" to many people yet. My internet friends all know about our infertility, as do a few IRL friends...and a limited amount of family members. This is partly due to the fear I have of everyone's reactions. I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me, yet, I need support. My friends have all been WONDERFUL in supporting our struggles. 100%. I just figured I'd post this because the thoughts presented have crossed my mind in deciding whether to tell the world or not.

You can read the full article here.

The points that stuck out to me the most are:

1. "Don't Tell Them To Relax" - Since Septemeber 2008, I've felt like I'm doing something "wrong". Honestly, deep down inside, I knew there was something that was causing me to not get pregnant. I didn't know what it was, but, deep down, I just had a feeling. Lo and behold, almost 2 years later, there IS something wrong with me. No amount of relaxing is/was going to help me to get pregnant. It is impossible to "just relax" or "not worry about it" when getting pregnant is the thing I want most in this world. And knowing that my body isn't doing what should come most natural to a woman makes it all the more difficult to let myself off the hook.

2. "Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy" - this is obviously directed towards pregnant women. However, I'm torn on this one. Yes, once in a while, I see someone complain and I think "God, do they know how LUCKY they are to be throwing up every day? I'd give my right arm for that." But, 99% of the time, I am in the likely uncommon group that thinks, "Just because I'm NOT pregnant doesn't mean THEY don't have the right to feel certain ways about pregnancy." Do I want someone to complain on and on and on about pregnancy? No. But, I don't believe in censoring my friends/family just because I have trouble conceiving.

3. "Don't Push Adoption (Yet)" - As much as I want a child, I want to be PREGNANT. I want to experience feeling my baby kick inside me. I want to be able to hope for my nose and Brett's athletic ability. Brett and I have the EXACT same colored eyes, a deep corn flower blue. I am so curious to know if our biological child will have the same matching eye color as we do. That's not to say I don't think adopting is a wonderful thing. 100%, it is. But, I'm not yet ready to accept the fact that we may NOT get to experience all aspects of pregnancy first hand.

4. "Let Them Know You Care" - My friends have been AMAZING at this. Without them letting me know they're behind me, I don't know how I'd get out of bed each day.

5. "Remember Them On Mother's Day" - Oddly enough, I've been thinking about this one on my own for about a week now. I'll likely be testing a few days before Mother's Day this year. I'm terrified. TERRIFIED. Facing Mother's Day this year, if I'm not pregnant, is going to be one of the hardest things in the world for me. I want this holiday for myself so badly. Facing the thought of maybe never getting to celebrate Mother's Day on my own breaks my heart. Already.

Oh, the fun thoughts of NIAW. Who knew?