Brett's Birthday and Other Things....

Today was Brett's 31st birthday. We spent a quiet day together and went out to dinner tonight. I made him a cake the other night, so we enjoyed cake and candles with my Dad on Saturday.

Anyway, we went to Biaggi's and, sitting there, inevitably our current situation was a big topic of conversation. I kept telling him that today was his birthday and we were only going to talk about happy things. But, he can't possibly do that. Which is frustrating, but, understandable.

Brett told me that he knows I've seen it so often in myself and in my family, so, he knows I know he's starting to get truly depressed. I'm glad he finally came out with it. I have seen it and have vaguely mentioned it here in my blog. I'm just glad HE is starting to realize it. I asked him if he feels he needs to talk to someone. He says "not yet". He says he's getting close, but, isn't ready to go any further with it yet. I certainly know it's not something to push. And seeing as he was able to admit it, I know he'll talk about it when he's ready.

How scary is it though? Having your husband, the one you see as your rock, admit he's falling into depression? And honestly...I am SO glad he's past the point of needing such strong, addictive pain medicines. I think that might play a stronger role in things if he were still using them.

I have this feeling that I'm going to have to be the strong one and I'm not used to that. I'm really not. I'm usually the one that falls apart. I've fallen apart so many times. And now I CAN'T. I'm happy to do it, but, wow. Talk about scary. To not have my rock...and to have to be the rock when I'm not sure I can...wow.

Sigh. Remind me again...this will get better...right????